Religion. By definition religion is “the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, especially a personal God or gods” or “a particular system of faith and worship” according to Google. To much of society, religion is being apart of an organized group of people. My cousin sees religion as Christianity, for my friend religion is Islam- to me it’s something different. Which is okay.
My terministic screen surrounding the word religion automatically falls to three things which all inherently connect: confusion, my sister Sabrina and India.
I never grew up going to Sunday school. I was a child who believed they were too grown up to listen to the youth leaders, and I demanded to attend the adult services instead. That said, I never knew the basic Bible stories that most Christian children did.
As I got older, we went to church less and less- and for me whenever I went back I never felt like I belonged. I hear the word religion, or attend Christian church and I feel out of place. My screen surrounding religion steams from a place of sadness. I always wanted to belong but I never felt like I did.
Yet I always belonged with my sister Sabrina- the most beautiful person I’ve ever known. Her special needs makes her so wonderfully pure and naive that she is essentially free of “sin”(whatever you perceive that to mean).
When I am with Sabrina I feel something bigger. Something pure. I’ve grown up with an angel in my own home, and that’s how I know there is something greater than myself. My religious screen sees Sabrina.
Without a special needs child in a person’s life, it’s hard to see the beauty in their existence. My upbringing has made the life of a disabled child the forefront of my moral compass, and that’s why I believe her to be from heaven.
That said, heaven can mean different things to different religious ideologies. Being priviledged enough to see the beliefs of different cultures, it becomes hard for me to pick just one system to devote myself to.
I realized this internal struggle when I went to India. I witnessed the beauty of Hinduism and Islam at the Ganges River in Varanasi. As I sat on the boat watching Indians from all over the country cleansing themselves in the river I began to weep. I longed to believe in something as much as they do.
When I got home I began to search for my own spot in Christianity- the religion which was made available to me. But I soon realized that I never felt God when I was in church. I feel Him in Sabrina, in India and in myself.
Your beliefs don’t make you a better person. Your behavior does.
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My terministic screen associates religion with confusion, my amazing sister and self-actualization. In many ways I envy the kids who grew up in a certain religion- their lens continually wipped clean to see their faith with clear vision. But that’s not how I grew up.
My screen is blurred and scratched and imperfect- but that’s how I see the world. That’s how I see religion.
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